Because I'm a Man!

[Surf Hunter]

Because I'm a man...

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I
will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia
has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as
if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows
up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these
computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in
bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick
as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase
basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I
cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin"
or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite
evidence that this will just cost me twice as much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has
been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for
it.....though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator.....(applies to engineers
mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex,
cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother,
or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when
she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't
need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of
it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous
afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is
fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago
was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the
belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You
look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year
2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just
do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......
like wandering around in the garden with a beer
wondering what to do.