Oil Change instructions for Women :
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
> last oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
> vehicle.
>
> Money spent:
> Oil Change $25.00
> Coffee $1.00
>
> Total $26.00
> ================================================== ========
> Oil Change instructions for Men :
>
> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
> filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
> $50.00.
> 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
> Cuss
> 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
> kitty litter on spilled oil.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
> and twist off.
> 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
> can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> gasket surface.
> 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 21) Drink beer.
> 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> kitty litter on oil spill.
> 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
> rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
> drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between
> knuckles and frame.
> 25) Begin cussing fit.
> 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> 28) Beer.
> 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> 30) Beer.
> 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> 32) Beer.
> 33) Lower car from jack stands.
> 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
> any missed steps.
> 35) Beer.
> 36) Test drive car.
> 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> 38) Car gets impounded.
> 39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent:
> Parts $50.00
> DUI $2500.00
> Impound fee $75.00
> Bail $1500.00
> Beer $20.00
>
> Total -- $4,145.00
>
> But you know the job was done right!
Forever!)
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