Aging With Humor

[sourcreamnjive]

*_A_**_ging With Humor
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**Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96,"
the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going
home, is it?"
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**Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs .
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject
to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85
or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee
maker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief."
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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you stop laughing.
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THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I
do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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* I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe
10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if
you can remember who they are!
*