Laugh A Little

[sourcreamnjive]

LAUGH A LITTLE
>
> Some things men can say when getting caught looking at another woman:
>
> I can’t believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully)
>
> Look at that guy… over there… behind the woman.
>
> I think that’s a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulous)
>
> Isn’t that the actress from the movie Delicatessen?
> (Chances are she hasn’t seen that movie - and neither have you,
> but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it
> will be just obtuse enough to distract her.
>
> I think that’s the girl I knew from high school who eventually
> joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out
> to be a real nut case.
>
> Help me, I got something in my eye… can’t see a thing!
>
> Hey that’s the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy
> am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.
>
> I know you’re probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful
> woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes
> that looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet
> that it makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It helps if you
> convulse a little at the end here…maybe it will camouflage
> your drool).
>
> I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can
> never hold a candle to you (this one might only get you
> punched, but its worth a shot).
>
> Do you think she’s prettier than me?
> (Give her a taste of her own medicine)
>
> ________________________
>
> When my husband and I were first married, a group of six couples went on
> a picnic. There was a very large creek there and I was standing by a
> fallen tree watching some of the other couples swimming around. Some one
> came up behind me and put their hands over my eyes. Me thinking it was
> my husband reached back and put my hand down his swimming trunks I found
> out in a big hurry it was definitely not my husband.
>
> ________________________
>
> A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman.
>
> He asks, “Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?”
>
> “Don’t Miss me, mister.”
>
> “Well then, you better make it 13.”
>
> **********************************
>