Ponder on these...

[Joey805]

New George Carlinisms



Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?


Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.


OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?


If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?


If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he! become disoriented?


If people from Poland! are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?


Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?


Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?


If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?


If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?


When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?


Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?


Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?


Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?


Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?


"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?


If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?


If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?


What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?


I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.


I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?


If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?


You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.


How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?


Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?


Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.


Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[crawford23]

wow Joey, thank you. That stuff is way too hilarious. Where did you get it from and is their any more?

[Flipper]

hahaha, someone got a chain mail letter today! [img]smileys/[/img]- funny stuff Joey

[Joey805]

It was an email floating around the office.

[Anotherbite]

Dude, you have got way too much time on your hands![img]smileys/[/img]

[adr91360]

When fishermen get fired do they become debated?

[Joey805]

It really didn't take that much time. I got the email, I pressed CRTL A to select all, CTRL C to copy and CTRL V to paste. Then I clicked the submit button so the way I figure, it took about 3 seconds out of my day to make that post. [img]smileys/[/img]

[Anotherbite]

Oh heck Joey,figured that dude, I wasn't serious at all, just giving you a hard time.