New Student Participation

empusa · 01-21-2004, 10:07 AM

It was the first day of school in Washington, DC and
a new student name Pedro (naturalized name Peter), the son of a Filipinoimmigrant, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher began, "Let's review some American
history, class. Who said 'Give me liberty or give me
death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
Pedro who had his hand up, "Patrick Henry,
1775." "Very good," said the teacher.

"Who said 'Government of the people, by the people,
and for the people shall not perish from the earth'"?
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham
Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863," he said.

The teacher snaps at the class, "Class, you should
be ashamed, Pedro who is new to our country knows
more about our history than you do."

She hears a loud whisper from the back: "Screw the
Filipinos." "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro
put his hand up. "General John Pershing, Manila,
1896."

At that point, Jack, another student says, "I'm
going to puke."

The teacher glares and asks, "All right! Now who
said that?" Again Pedro answers, "George Bush, Sr.
to the Japanese Prime Minister during the state
dinner, Tokyo, 1991."

Now furious another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck
this!!" Pedro jumps out of his chair waving his
hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his
voice, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval
Office, 1997!!"

Someone shouts, "You little sh*t if you say anything
else, I'll kill you." Dagohoy yells, "Congressman
Gary Condit to Chandra Levy,Washington, D.C., 2001!"

As the class gathers around her on the floor,
someone says, "Oh sh*t, now we're really in big
trouble!"

"Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Bhagdad, May
2003!" Pedro bellowed.

A female student rolls her eyes and mutters, "What a retard!".
Pedro finally says, "The American Media on Dan Quale, Ju...",
just as another boy knocked Pedro out cold.

**Carnivore** · 01-21-2004, 11:14 AM

I head it a little different the kid was from japan but this one is great too.

FISHHEAD · 01-21-2004, 04:28 PM

NICE!!! VERY FUNNY I LAUGHED

OUT LOUD

pEsCaDoR · 01-21-2004, 05:59 PM

here's another filipino joke... (btw im filipino)

a white guy, a black guy, and a filipino guy are sitting in a boat in the middle of the ocean with no way to get back on land, and no more food. they simultaneously think to themselves, "i would do ANYTHING to get back home".

at that moment the devil hears their "prayer" and appears to them floating in mid air. the devil introduces himself as the all knowing maker of all fantasies that come true. he says, "i heard your prayers and im here to answer them if you can do just one thing. if you cant, i will kill you and send you to hell! are you game?".

all three of the stranded men look at each other and agree that its worth a try. so the devil takes out an ordinary paper bag and holds it out in front of them saying, "if you can do something, anything, with this paper bag and fool me, the devil all knowing, i will magically bring you back home with the flick of a wrist and give you riches beyond your wildest dreams! BUT, if you cannot fool me, i will kill you and send you directly to hell!".

the white guygoes first. he takes the bag and crumples it up into a ball and throws it into the ocean. it sinks to the bottom. he looks to the devil and says, "bring that paper bag back to me in less than 10 seconds completely DRY!". the devil dives down in lightning speed, grabs the bag from the bottom of the ocean, comes out of the water and blows the bag dry with his hot stank breath in less than ten seconds. he says to the white guy, "sorry, but you go to hell!"

the black guy goes next. he takes the bag and rips it into a million little pieces. and throws it all over the ocean. he says to the devil, "i want you to bring that bag back to me in ONE PIECE". the devil with his lightning speed picks up all the pieces, pulls out some glue and connects all the pieces together. he says to the black guy, "sorry, but you go to hell!"

the little filipino guy is the only one left on the boat. he takes the bag, pulls out a small knife, and starts poking a million holes in the bag. this takes a while and the devil is getting restless. he wants a new soul in hell, so he tells the filipino guy to hurry up. finally he finishes with the holes and looks at the devil with a smirk. then he holds the opening of the bag up to his ass and rips a fart into it. he holds the bag closed with the fart lingering inside and says to the devil, "i want you to tell me which hole the fart came out of first."

the devil is stumped and is kicking himself because he thinks he just lost a soul. but he takes a chance anyway and points to one of the holes in the bag saying, "this one". the filipino guy yells, "NO!!!", points to his own ass and says, "THIS ONE!!! sorry, butYOU go to hell, beeeeyaaatch!!!"